


Barely

by tbk_day6



Series: Almost [2]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Exes, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, almost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23094034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbk_day6/pseuds/tbk_day6
Summary: “We almost made it.”then you realized it takes more than an almost to count..
Relationships: Park Jaehyung | Jae/Reader
Series: Almost [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659772
Comments: 34
Kudos: 79





	1. Almost

**Author's Note:**

> sequel to Almost just because 😅
> 
> PS ideally should be read after chap33 of Almost but whatevs haha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter soundtrack:  
> Why Do We by Gentle Bones

You tried your best to ignore his persistent look as he sat on the couch across your workstation at home, his body leaning forward as he rested his arm on his knee. You could tell how tired and disappointed he was, coming from a four-hour flight just to be welcomed with indifference from you. You continued typing on your laptop, finishing an urgent report due in a few hours.

“Y/N.”

You threw him a glance hearing him call you by your name—something he only does when he’s not happy with you.

“Five minutes. I just really need to finish this worksheet tonight.” You muttered, trying your best to keep calm. You only have a few minutes left and you tend to panic when you feel like you’re not gonna make it and Jae’s presence isn’t helping at all.

“You’ve been saying that for half an hour already.” He exasperatedly leaned back on your couch.

“You’re not helping.”

“Come on, babe. I’ll only be here until tomorrow.” He momentarily closed his eyes in exhaustion.

“What do you want me to do?” You sighed as you tried to wrap up your work in the next few minutes and give him your attention. “This is why I kept on telling you to just postpone your trip. I told you things are hectic for me this week and I won’t be able to fully be with you if you come home.”

You’ve been asking him to reschedule his trip home since last month when a new urgent project was suddenly dropped on your shoulder. You knew it would be hard to split up your time between him and work this month. But he just never listens.

“But we haven’t seen each other in months. I miss you.” His voice turned soft as he spoke, still with closed eyes. “And it’s my birthday.”

You froze, checking the date and time on your laptop. A quarter past midnight. September 16. His birthday’s over. _Shit._ You bit your lip guiltily as you finally decided to close your laptop and walked towards him.

He smiled to himself, eyes still closed, when he felt the couch dip beside him. He immediately pulled you to his chest and wrapped an arm around you.

“Happy birthday?” You whispered guiltily against his chest. The heavy feeling on your chest is weighing you down more than it should. _Three years in a row. Way to go, Y/N._

“Finally heard it.” He sleepily murmured as he run his fingers through your hair. “I thought I wouldn’t have to tell you this time.”

“I’m… sorry…” _Again._ You were never big in remembering significant dates for the three years you’ve been together – you don’t even remember your own birthday at times. Jae accepts that and has always been understanding about it.

But this time, it felt different. There’s this weird feeling in the air by the way neither of you got excited to be within each other’s reach despite not seeing each other for the longest time. Or the way he didn’t get mad—or even pretended to, by the way you forgot his birthday again. It’s just…

“Okay.” You could feel him slowly drifting off to sleep. Exhaustion getting the better of him. On other days, this would have ended up in an argument on how you never prioritize him and how he’s never where you need him to be. But today, it was _okay._ And for some weird reason, you don’t want it to be.

“It’s not okay, Jae. Not anymore.” You pulled yourself away from him. He opened his eyes, now confused by your sudden outburst. “I keep on falling short of what I should be when it comes to you. I keep on disappointing you.”

“But—”

“You’re always giving me a free pass. And I know you just want to make me feel better, but it’s making me feel worse.” You cut him off, feeling your pent-up frustrations surfacing.

“You have years to make it up to me. And I don’t really mind.” He sighed and gently tried to hold your hand but you avoided it.

“I don’t want to keep on making it up to you. You don’t deserve this.” You felt like choking up but you blinked your tears away.

This time, he lifted his body from the couch and faced you properly, finally realizing that something’s not quite right. He noticed how your eyes are pooling with unshed tears so he reached out his hands to cup your cheeks and force you to look at him. “Hey. Calm down, okay? We’re both just tired. We shouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”

“I am tired.” You admitted, bravely looking him in the eye.

“Yes, I know, that’s why we should go to sleep now and we’ll talk tomorrow.” He let go of your face and picked his coat up from the couch.

“I’m tired of this… Of us.”

Jae paused from getting up and sat back down, facing you and staring at you intently, trying to see if you were joking. “Is this some kind of a weird birthday surprise?” he tried to smile but you could tell he was starting to panic, putting emphasis on the word ‘birthday’ as if begging you not to do this now.

One of the reasons why you wanted to defer seeing him again is because of this inevitable feeling—that sense of an ending. You both knew this day was coming and you wished it didn’t have to be today. But then…

“Babe.” He called when you fell silent. “Not now, please.”

You looked away and wiped a single tear that escaped your brave front. Your heart ached seeing how all the sleep was gone from his eyes, replaced with that resigned, hurt look that makes you realize how he’s also tired of fighting for it. Or perhaps, how he’s not gonna fight for it anymore.

“I love you but why do we hurt like this?” His voice was barely above a whisper. “We almost made it.”


	2. For Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Soundtrack:  
> For Now by Lauv
> 
> go watch for maximum feels:  
> https://twitter.com/kangyoungbrian/status/1240676618734956544?s=20
> 
> Alsooooo, this chap is what happened after Almost Chap33: About Now.

**_TWO YEARS AGO_ **

“Do you really have to go?” You asked as you watched him paced back and forth between his closet and his luggage.

“Babe, my boss didn’t even know I came back home yesterday. I have to be back before he notices I was gone.” He laughed at his thoughts.

You fell silent for a few seconds, feeling choked up. “I hate missing you.”

Jae stopped on his tracks and watched you carefully. He sighed before moving to sit next to you, pulling you into his chest. “I hate missing you too.”

You felt him softly kiss your hair as he slowly rocked you back and forth.

“Stay?”

“Babe..”

“It’s still my birthday. Can I use that as my wish?”

Jae chuckled softly, hugging you tighter. “But you don’t believe in birthdays. And wishes.”

“But you do.”

“You won’t even notice I’m away. We’ve already made it for how many months!” he tried to convince you.

“I don’t wanna get used to you being away..” you said, pulling away to face him. His face looked tired and weary but he still faked a smile for you. The way his hooded eyes are gazing at you is making your heart ache already. You’re gonna miss him bad. Again.

“I’ll make sure you won’t.”

You sighed, feeling defeated. “I’m sorry I’m being too needy.”

He shook his head and pulled you in again for a hug. But this time, he led you to lie down on the bed, facing each other. His limbs somehow made its way all over your body, effectively trapping you in that position.

“Will you get mad if I say I love how you miss me?” he bit his lip, trying to stop himself from smiling wider.

“You’re a sadist.” You glared at him as he lifted his one hand up to caress your face, his thumb making small circles on your cheek. His gaze has turned from playful to serious in a span of few seconds.

“But I’m really gonna miss you, too.” He murmured, face inching closer to softly kiss your lips. Slowly, as if time will somehow stop. Tenderly, the kind that makes you want to cry. Your breath hitched when he pulled away, your cheeks were burning, heart beating fast.

You avoided his eyes in embarrassment. That was the first time he kissed you like that. You cleared your throat, feeling him still staring at your face. You dropped your eyes on the shirt he was wearing instead.

“Again..” you heard him say before he lifted your chin up and kissed you again. Your eyes fluttered close as you gripped his shirt a bit tighter, getting lost in the way he held your face and moved his lips against yours.

You were out of breath when he finally let you go. You tried to get up but he was still entrapping you with his long limbs.

“Jae!”

“Where are you going?” He laughed as he watched you struggle. “And who’s Jae?”

You glared at him, “Let go.”

“Just let me be for now. I’ll be kissing screens again in the coming days.”

***

“I’ve just arrived, babe.”

You rubbed your sleepy eyes, trying to focus on him on your screen. It’s 6 in the morning, you barely slept after he left for his red eye flight six hours ago. You pulled your blankets down and rolled to your side to rest your phone on the pillow next to you.

Jae was already on his bed too, all wrapped up on his white sheets, wearing his old white shirt as he rolled back and forth in between his pillow fort.

He then proceeded to animatedly tell you a story about how he sat with a kid on the plane and how they bonded over a game you don’t really understand. You just watched him go excited over the smallest things, wishing he was personally telling you all these stories. Wishing you were there. Or he was here. Just together.

“Do you want a picture of me on the plane?” He asked as he ruffled his hands through his hair, giggling.

“Sure.” You muttered under your breath.

“You said you want me to send you pictures all the time?” he chuckled. “You asked me for pictures, I’d gladly give you pictures. Acts of service, babe.”

You scoffed, vaguely remembering the time you both took that language of love test online out of boredom. “Shut up. I barely slept,” you said, yawning.

“I’m sorry I kept you up.”

“It’s okay. Go rest now, babe.”

He smiled, rubbing his eyes sleepily before looking at you with those sad eyes. “I miss you already.”

“Ditto.”

“I promise I’d stay longer the next time I come home. And we could finally go to that spot you’ve been wanting to go to.”

You nodded, indulging him and his plans, feeling sad yet again.

“And I’d cook you your favorite dish again while we go play games on your couch. But of course, we’d end up just—"

“When?” You couldn’t help asking.

Jae fell silent, sensing your mood. “The soonest.” He tried to sound reassuring.

You didn’t answer, just burying your face on your pillow, wishing it was him instead.

“But for now…” he trailed off, before his voice turned cheery again. “I love you!”

You couldn’t see him but you could sense him faking his mood. You lifted your face off your pillow to catch a glimpse of him before he ends the call, but you were already too late. You sighed as you stared at your reflection on your now-empty phone screen.

_Just come home to me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess we'd be switching back and forth between pre- and post- breakup scenes..
> 
> stay safe everyone. :)


	3. Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Soundtrack:  
> Always, I'll Care by Jeremy Zucker

_**PRESENT** _

  
Your heart jumped at the sight of Jae’s face flashing on your phone screen. You’ve had his calls on silent ever since you broke up, the only thing you forgot was not putting it face down on the table as you work.

This was the third time he’s called you this week, ever since he left. The first time, you didn’t answer. The second time, he dropped the call as soon as you picked it up. But this time..

You felt uneasy as few seconds passed and the phone’s still insistently ringing. You picked your phone up and swiped to answer his call, putting it on speaker mode. You put it on the table, biting your lip, waiting for him to break the silence.

You could only hear his nervous breathing from the other side. He wasn’t talking and it’s been a while, your heart beating faster than it should. “Jae..”

You heard him scoff when he heard you call his name. “I miss you… babe.”

“Jae…” _I miss you too._ You bit your lip to stop yourself from saying it out loud.

“I know… I’m sorry I called. Old habits…” He let out a short chuckle, but you knew him too well to know how fake it was.

“Tell me about it,” you said, knowing something must have been bothering him.

He paused as if deliberating whether to tell you or not. He broke his silence after a while, “Nah. I just wanted to hear your voice, I guess. Sorry for bothering you.” He ended the call right after, leaving you missing him even more.

And maybe, just maybe, regretting letting him go.

***

Days passed and Jae never called you again. You drowned yourself with work and got fed up with all the stress. Too many things are falling apart and you’re struggling to keep it all together.

As soon as you got home, you reached for your phone and dialed 1 absentmindedly, freezing a bit late when you realized who 1 is. He’s always been number 1 on your speed dial. You tried to cancel the call but you saw how the timer has already started—he’s already answered it on the first ring. Like he always does.

“Hey.” You heard him say.

“Hi.” You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until you let it out. You felt like you were having a heart attack as you nervously think of what to say.

“How are you?” he asked.

“I’m…” you hesitated, but just ended up with adding “fine..”

A pause. It felt like both of you were treading on thin ice, careful of making the next step.

“It started to get cold in here. I forgot to bring my coat to work so I was literally freezing on my way home.” Jae chuckled, then proceeded to tell you random things about his day. Like he always would.

And you just sat there, listening, and actually calming down. Like you always would when you hear his voice.

You didn’t realize your mind has started wandering off until you heard him clear his throat.

“Are you calm now?”

You felt your eyes well up with tears again. He just knows you too well. You didn’t answer, afraid your defenses would break the moment you open your mouth. Afraid you’d just ask him to take you back. Afraid that he just might.

“You’re stronger than this. You can do it, babe.”

You put the phone down, covering its mic, as a sob escaped you. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down before talking to him again.

“I’m s—”

“You can always call me.” He cut you off. “When it gets too heavy, just.. let me…” He let out a desperate sigh. “You know I’ll care.. Always.”

“Thank you.. Jae. I promise this would be the last..”

“Y/N.” There was a hint of warning and a hint of fear in his tone.

“21 days. That’s all it takes to break a habit, right?” you tried to make light of the situation by throwing him one of the random facts he told you about before.

“Bullshit,” he scoffed.

“I don’t deserve—"

“We all have things we think we don’t deserve,” he tells you patiently, again.

You didn’t reply, not wanting to start a fight. You’ve been through this conversation again and again and you just kept on going in circles. And you’re just starting to feel tired again.

Jae, sensing your mood, just sighed. “I know I shouldn’t keep you.. but please.. keep coming back to me.”


	4. Birthday

_ONE YEAR AGO_

“Meet me at the airport next week!” You excitedly tell Jae over the phone as soon as you received an email from your boss approving your filed leave.

“What?” He asked, confused. He was about to take a bite on his favorite McChicken when you called.

“My boss just approved my leave. I just booked a ticket going there on the next weekend. I’ll be staying for a week!”

You saw his face lighten up as he dropped his burger on the table and stepped back to raise both his hands. “Woah! Really?!”

“Stop doing that!” You laughed as he started dancing to YMCA again. He always does that these days because he’s seen a video on Youtube of the minions singing that song.

He laughed before going back to the table and munching on his fries now. “Let’s go to Disneyland again,” he said in between bites.

You raised an eyebrow at him, amused. “Huh. And here I thought I’d have to use force to drag you back to Disneyland again.”

“You promised to buy me that sweatshirt.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious,” he said before opening another burger and taking a big bite. He smiled at you with his bulging cheeks when he saw you scrutinizing his meal again. Like he knows what you were about to say. But you’re gonna say it anyway.

“And why are you eating junkfood again?” You glared at him as he mocked you teasingly.

He chewed on his food carefully, chuckling, as you waited for him to explain. He swallowed and gulped his water before showing you the bottle through the screen. “But I’m drinking water anyway!” He pouted, defending himself like a kid being scolded.

“Jae.”

“Babe.”

“You promised me you’d start eating healthy,” you reprimanded.

“Just today, okay? Cheat days are okay.” He said, taking another bite. “They even gave me a toy. See?” His hands reached out for something behind the camera and took out a minion collectible from McDonald’s. His eyes were literally glowing as he showed off the toy, imitating _‘banana!’_ as he played with it in front of the camera.

You couldn’t help but smile over how cute he was with that toy. “You’re such a kid. But still not enough of an excuse.” You shook your head disappointedly at him.

“But it’s my birthday,” he said in a small voice, avoiding your eyes as he took another bite of his sandwich.

You froze, mouth agape at the sudden realization of what date it was. You bit your lip as you mentally cursed yourself. Should you lie your way out? But it’s obvious anyway that you forgot. And you hate that you knew that he knew.

You guiltily glanced at him, only to find him smiling as he looked at you, still munching on his food.

“I—“

“Don’t. Just greet me.” He cut you off, sensing an apology on the way.

“I love you?”

He chuckled at your unspoken apology, shaking his head.

“Happy birthday!” You smiled hesitantly at him.

“Banana!” He made a minion impersonation again to ease your mood. “Make it up to me next week.”

“I’ll buy you two shirts from Disneyland.”

“Bribes bribes bribes!” He laughed again, before turning serious. “Just come here.”

***

You felt him kiss the top of your head as he hugged you from the back, watching the infamous Disneyland fireworks for the second time.

“Are you that happy you got that sweatshirt?” you teased. You finally bought him that gray sweatshirt he oh-so-wanted but he insisted you get another so you’d be matching.

You felt him nod as he chuckled softly. He didn’t reply though and just continued watching the colorful lights on the sky. His hands softly rubbing your arms, as if feeling you getting cold.

“I’m sorry,” you said after the booming noises paused for a while. You were sure he heard you by the way he tightened his arms around you.

“Forgiven.” He mumbled against your ear.

“It’s the second time though..” his forgiveness doesn’t really ease your guilt.

“Shh. I don’t keep count.”

“But I do..”

This time, Jae actually put his hands on your mouth to stop you from talking. He was chuckling when you removed his hand and faced him.

“Jae!”

“I told you to stop it. It’s okay now. I’m all good.” He said, turning you around, and hugging you again from behind.

“You’re always—”

“Stooooop.” He put his hand on your mouth again, which you just forcefully removed. You tried to face him again. “Stop or I’ll kiss you,” he warned.

You immediately behaved yourself and stared at the skies again, suddenly feeling nervous and giddy at the same time.

“That’s all it takes to silence you, huh?” he breathed against your ear. “I changed my mind. I’m still mad at you for forgetting my birthday,” he said when you ignored him.

“Happy birthday!” you leaned back on his chest instead.

He scoffed before kissing the side of your forehead. “Now it is.”


	5. Plans

_**PRESENT** _

  
“How are you holding up?” Haru asked as soon as she reached your table. You were quietly sipping on your coffee in your usual corner table, waiting for her and Maya to arrive. It’s been a long time since you’ve hung out together. You never thought it’s gonna take a breakup for you to finally find time for each other again.

You just smiled in response as you watched her take a seat.

“I don’t know what to say,” Haru said..

“That’s a first,” you scoffed at her before taking a breath, “Well, there’s really nothing to say. It’s what it is.”

“Still..”

“I’ll be fine.”

Maya arrived soon after, but unlike Haru, she was pretty chirpy and excited.

“Finally! A single friend!” she beamed gleefully.

You laughed at her reaction. Totally not what you expected. Maya has always been whining to you and Haru on how you barely had time for her.

“Wow, Maya.” Haru gave her an unbelieving look.

“Well, I know you’re just gonna get back together sooner or later so I might as well enjoy your singleness for a while,” she said, shrugging off the glare you gave her. “It’s you and Jae. I just know you’d always be each other’s endgame.”

“She’s got a point,” Haru agreed.

“It’s the first time you guys actually fought. Or broke up.” Maya added when you didn’t reply. “You’re gonna get past that.”

You sighed, “I don’t know. It’s just… It's different.” You drifted off, not really knowing what to say.

“Take some time off. Maybe that’s just what you need.” Haru said before standing up to get her coffee from the counter.

Maya nodded, “Party tonight?”

“Nah. I’ve got work to do.” You picked up your phone to check an email that came. It was a reminder for a flight to Japan you and Jae booked a year ago, when that airline had a sale.

Your heart instantly ached at the memory that flashed on your mind upon seeing that email.

_“Book it!”_

_“Stop pressuring me!” you whined at him, fingers shaking as you typed in your passport details while Jae was watching you through the screen._

_He laughed before taking a bite on his sandwich and munching on it heartily. His other hand busy tapping away on his phone. Probably that new game he’s been addicted to these days._

_“Done!” You raised your hands up and leaned back on your chair, smiling victoriously at him._

_“Slow claps, babe. Slow claps.” He was shaking his head, mocking your victory, while slowly clapping his hands. You rolled your eyes at him—he’d never understand how precious it is to be able to book flights that cheap on Japan’s spring season._

_“I’m finally seeing cherry blossoms!”_

_“We are," he corrected._

_You looked at him, puzzled. You were only booking a flight for yourself, he wasn’t gonna tag along. April is a busy month for him and he said it would be hard for him to take a leave on that month._

_“Of course, I’m coming with you, babe.”_

_“But you said—”_

_“I can’t not see your face when you finally realize one of your dreams.”_

Who would have thought that we’re no longer gonna be present in that future we once imagined in the past? You wondered if you should push through with the trip, alone. Could you? Everything’s been booked already—polished to the very little details. All you have to do is show up on the airport. It has always been your dream to see cherry blossoms, but would that really make you happy right now? It was so much fun planning all your itinerary, because you were happy then. Funny how things could change in just a few weeks.

“What is it?” Maya asked when you suddenly got quiet.

You just shook your head and smiled, “Just some email from work.”

***

You sighed as you deleted the message you were drafting for Jae for the nth time. You just wanted to ask him if he still remembers that trip and if he’s still pushing through with it. It’s been weeks since you last talked to each other. Is it okay to act casual now?

Warning signs kept on flashing on your head as you typed and deleted. And typed. And deleted. Guess not. You gave up, mentally mapping out a vague plan on how you’re gonna do it alone.

Just then, a message came in from Jae.

**Did you receive the email?**

You shook your head in disbelief at your stupidity. _Of course, he’s gonna receive an email too._

**Yeah.**

He read your message as soon as you sent it and replied immediately:

 **Completely slipped my mind.  
** **I’ve already cancelled my flight.**

**Can we still get refunds for our other bookings?**

Your breath hitched as you took in his words. _So he’s not planning on coming._ You don’t know if you were actually relieved or disappointed. You smiled bitterly as you typed another reply.

**Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.**

You mentally sifted through all the bookings you’ve made and paid for—everything was for two. Maybe you can cancel some of them, but most are non-refundable. You’re just gonna have to do it alone and pay him his half. He doesn’t have to know, does he?

**I’m just wondering..  
** **Do you still want to go?**

He was asking as if it was still your decision, when he’s already decided on not coming. He shouldn’t care anymore about your plans. You felt betrayed. You heaved a sigh to calm yourself before replying.

**No.**


	6. Back

Your eyes fluttered awake the moment the plane touched the ground. You’re finally in Japan—that one place you’ve always dreamt of. As you rode the shinkansen to Tokyo, your thoughts are filled with all the places you’ve always wanted to go to and all the things you’ve always wanted to experience. You dreamily looked out the window—the leaves has already started to change colors. Full bloom is supposed to be in a few days. The timing is perfect.. or it’s supposed to be.

You dragged your luggage out of the station and was immediately greeted by the cold spring breeze. You shivered as you zipped your hoodie up. You never thought it’s still gonna be this cold in April.

_“We should bring lots of hoodies, babe.” You remembered Jae telling you one day._

_“Nah. It’s April already.” You dismissed his suggestion as you continued scrolling through an online shopping site where you were supposed to buy clothes for your trip._

_“Trust me.”_

_You glanced at him on the screen and smirked. “Maybe you can just hug me when I get cold then?”_

_He squinted his eyes in a futile attempt to glare at you, but his face was just too funny you couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m gonna wrap you up like a burrito.”_

You shook away the sudden flash of memory as you turned on the pocket wifi you rented on the airport. You connected to the Internet to find your way to your hotel. Jae was the one who booked your accommodation and it was nonrefundable, so might as well just take it.

_“This is the perfect hotel. Very central location.” He said proudly._

_“Sure.”_

_“It’s just near the subway station, few minutes away from this restaurant.. and the crossing! We have to take lots of pictures there.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“You’re not even paying attention.” He whined when he noticed how flat you sounded._

_You stopped typing on your laptop and smiled at him guiltily. “I have to finish this report, babe. And besides, I have you so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Just make sure to include cherry blossoms on our itinerary.”_

_He shook his head in mock pity. “What would you do without me?”_

You smiled bitterly to yourself. _What would I do without you?_ Your phone suddenly pinged with a text message, disrupting your thoughts.

**Have you arrived?**

Brian’s message popped up as soon as you laid on your bed. He was one of the few people who knew about your trip because you found out he’d be in Japan as well for a tour. You could use some company, even for a day. Besides, it’s been a long time since you’ve seen each other.

**Yep. So when are you gonna tour me around??** You replied, mentally checking your itinerary. You decided to avoid all the touristy things you’ve booked—group tours, museums, theme parks _(especially Disneyland!)._ You cancelled all those and just decided to walk around, go café hopping and chill all over Tokyo. Five days of peace and quiet to calm your mind.

**I have to check my schedule first. Maybe the day after tomorrow? But don’t hesitate to hit me up if you need me, okay?**

**No worries. Thanks, Bri.**

You put your phone down and decided to wash up. You decided to go out and grab some things to eat from the convenience store nearby. It’s just 6PM and the city is just starting to awaken.

You tossed over a hefty coat over your pajamas and headed out. You were not planning on staying out for long anyway. Just grab a few things and eat in your hotel room.

Your hotel was centrally located—right smack in the middle of Shibuya. Only a few minutes away from the subway station. You even passed by the Hachiko. There’s just too many people though, but at least you felt safe even if you were alone.

You reached the store in no time, overwhelmed by all their food and drinks selection you only saw on vlogs before. You took a basket and filled it up in with all sorts of things—cup noodles, onigiri, chips, chocolates, pastries, coffee, beer. Name it, you got it.

_Great. Going broke on the first day._ You were too amused—almost laughing, as you walked out of the store. You couldn’t wait to eat up as you stared blankly and waited for the lights to turn green for pedestrians in that infamous Shibuya crossing. There were a lot of people, but probably not as much as it would be on a weekend. On other instances, you might have felt anxious and dizzy already with all those people. But not today.

You absentmindedly joined the flow, holding onto your plastic bag of convenience store loots. There were groups of students happily chatting with each other, tourists pausing in the middle to take their IG-worthy shots, office workers just briskly walking to avoid the rush hour on the trains, cosplayers heading to party somewhere, couples just holding hands while walking…

_Would have been nice to hold someone’s hand here…_

“Excuse me!”

You vaguely heard someone say in panic. You didn’t know if it was directed at you because the crowd was too much, but you suddenly felt a hand grab your arm and pull you back, just as a teenage boy on a bike speedily pass by you.

“Hey!” he shouted at him, annoyed. Few heads turned to you curiously for a few seconds, before they went on their own way, rushing to reach the other side of the road as the timer counted down.

It barely registered to you that the hand on your arm was now holding your hand. You found yourself being dragged to the safe side of the street as you just stared dumbfoundedly at his back.

_That back.._ you knew that back all too well.


	7. Still

“You’re still so careless.” You heard him say as he walked forward, pulling you behind him. He was wearing a brown coat over a black hoodie on his head. He turned to face you upon reaching the other side.

You could barely see his eyes as he hid himself behind a cap and a facemask, but you knew him too well to be fooled by that disguise.

“Bri!” Everything felt familiar even though it’s been years since you last saw each other. He winked at you before he put his mask below his chin. His flirty smirk making you feel giddy and nostalgic at the same time.

He pulled you into a warm hug just as people started crowding the streets again, waiting for the next scramble. “Coffee?” he asked as soon as he let you go.

“Uh..” you hesitated as you looked at your getup. You regretted not changing out of your pajamas now.

He chuckled as he sensed your predicament, taking your hand again and pulling you inside a Starbucks. “Don’t worry. You’re still dazing.”

You felt yourself blush with his remark but you tried to mask it in a scoff. “You’re still annoying.”

“Ah. It’s been so long since I’ve heard that! You’re still the only one who calls me annoying.”

“Maybe because I’m the only you annoy?”

“Yeah. Still.” He whispered. “I’ll get drinks first. Is it still the same for you?” he asked after he found an empty seat on the café’s second floor, that perfect spot beside the window.

You just nodded. Words seem to have left you as you tried to hide your plastic bag from the convenience store under the table. You saw quite a few curious eyes starting to recognize him now and your shabby self beside him is a big embarrassment. You tried to empty your thoughts as you sleepily watched people trying to cross the streets below.

“Spill.”

You got pulled out of your reverie as he handed you a cup of white chocolate mocha. You glanced at him as you picked it up.

“Since when do you drink tea?” you asked when you noticed the smell of earl grey tea from his cup.

“People change, Y/N.” He shrugged, taking a sip from his cup.

“Do they?” A rhetorical question, but he suddenly turned serious as he stared at you.

“Or not.” He shifted his eyes to the view outside the window. “So where’s Jae?”

_Right._ You didn’t tell him anything aside from the fact that you’d be travelling to Japan. But you assumed Jae told him that already. You shakily lifted your cup, feeling his eyes on you again.

“Have you not talked to him?” you asked, avoiding his eyes.

“I’ve been busy..”

You heaved a deep breath before you let it out. “We broke up.”

You tried to act casually as you continued to drink your coffee in silence, but it was making you more anxious as you waited for him to say a word.

From your peripheral vision, you saw him pick up his cup and take a sip before talking again. “What happened?”

“Life happened.” You said before closing off the topic with a new one, trying to act cheerily. “So what are you doing here tonight? Thought you were busy, Mr. Idol.”

“Well, I was just gonna buy a drink when I saw you walking oh-so-leisurely you nearly got ran over by a bike.” His tone was reprimanding as he gave you a stern look.

“Right. Thank you for that,” you chuckled softly. “Is your hotel nearby?”

“Yep. Just a few minutes away from here.”

“Mine too. Jae booked it.” You said without realizing. The way his name rolls off your tongue is making your heart ache yet again.

“I know. I told him to go with that one.”

“Oh.” You fell quiet again, not really wanting to talk about Jae. You picked your cup with both hands, warming them, and then taking another sip.

“So what are your plans tomorrow?” he smiled as he faced you.

“ _Hanami._ ”

He nodded. “Can I come with?”

“I thought you have a schedule tomorrow?” you looked at him, puzzled.

“I missed you.”

Your breath hitched hearing those words from him again. You avoided his eyes and focused on the view below instead, your heart pounding in your chest. It’s been years since you last heard him say that. You missed him too but you still can never say it back to his face. Even after all those years.

“Still can’t say it back?” he asked when you didn’t answer.

“Brian..” You looked at him and saw him smiling, though this time, there was something different in his eyes. But it was gone as soon as you noticed.

“Come on, I take good pictures,” he convinced. “After all these years, I still do.”

“You never took good pictures, Bri.”

He laughed before turning serious, “Right. I never did.”

He stared at you as you take in his words—the underlying meaning in all those. It’s been years but why does it feel like nothing’s changed?

His phone suddenly rang and you immediately shifted your eyes away. He didn’t answer the call, though. Instead, he put it back in his pocket before standing up.

“It’s getting late. I’ll walk you home.”


	8. Too Much

**Y/N. Something came up today. I’m sorry.**

Brian’s text message was the first thing you read upon waking up the next day. It was already a quarter past noon. You slept for a good 10 hours.. in Japan.. What a good way to start your vacation.

With eyes half-open, you typed in a reply to Brian.

**It’s fine. I can manage. 🙂**

You got up and took a quick bath before dressing up while eating the bread you bought last night. Today was supposed to be the start of the cherry blossom festival in Nakameguro, a good thirty minutes or so (by foot!) away from where you were.

It was the perfect weather for a good walk— just the right balance between sunny and chilly. You headed out and breathed in the foreign air. Walking leisurely, taking a few snaps here and there, checking out cute shops and cafes, trying out street food.. There were already tinges of pink on the trees. Petals flew every time the wind blows. It was amazing but you’re most excited for the nighttime view in Meguro river.

You decided to pass the time inside a café called Onibus. It was in that perfect spot overlooking the river and the railway dressed prettily in pastel blooms. With just a steaming cup of coffee, you sat yourself on an empty spot by the window, amidst the buzz of people around you. One of the perks of being alone.

You waited quietly for the sunset with your earphones on, tuning the world out with your fave songs. You just stared at the scenery in front of you. You’re finally realizing one of your lifelong dreams. But why does it seem like something’s missing? Scratch that. You know exactly why. But you were the one who wanted this, right?

“Happy?”

You got startled when you felt someone took the seat beside you. You pulled your earphones out as soon as you saw him, eyes widening.

“Jae?!”

“Y/N?!” he said in feigned surprise. He chuckled as you glared at him. “I knew you’d do this.” He placed a slice of cake in front of you, a cup of coffee on his other hand.

You stared at him dumbfounded, blinking several times to figure out if he’s real. And if he is, why is he here acting like nothing happened? Your heartbeat was going faster in nervous confusion. You felt relieved that he’s here but at the same time, scared. You missed him so much you just want to fall into his arms and hug him, but things are just not the same anymore, aren’t they?

He sliced the cake with his fork and moved to feed you, gesturing for you to open your mouth wider. But instead, you shook your head and pushed his hand away.

“Why are you here?”

“Why are you here?” he returned the question, eating the cake instead.

“You didn’t cancel the hotel booking.” He said when you didn’t reply, avoiding his eyes.

“Stop thinking.” His hand went up to ruffle your hair and gently go down to smoothen the deepening crease on your forehead. “It’s just me.. It’s still me.”

With your heart fluttering, you tried to push his hand away from your face but instead he laced his fingers with yours and whispered, “Please? Just for this trip.”

“As friends?” you asked, uncertainly.

He scoffed as if disgusted by your last word. “Of course not.”

“Jae.”

“It’s just a few days. What are you so scared of?”

_That I wouldn’t want it to end._

You met his challenging eyes and saw his face fell when you pulled your hand away from his. You sighed as you picked his fork up, helping yourself with his cake. Giving in.

“This is good,” you said after taking a bite. He heaved a huge sigh of relief, his face lit up as his lips broke out into a smile.

“Do you want another one?”

You just shook your head. “We should be heading out and finding ourselves a good spot. Sun’s about to set.”

“Right.”

It was slowly getting dark when you got out of the café. The riverside was already crowded with locals and tourists collectively gasping in awe as the place lit up with lanterns. The way the lamps glow over the flowers, softly illuminating the river below.. it was just perfect.

You just stood there, speechless, in the middle of a crowd of people, as you shamelessly gawked at the scenery in front of you.

“This is amazing,” you couldn’t help but whisper in awe. You heard camera clicks beside you, pulling you out of your little world. You found Jae smiling behind a disposable camera pointed at you.

“Stop that.” You couldn’t help but smile at him, too, as he continued clicking away, even with you looking straight at him.

“What? You’ve always wanted me to steal shots of you.” He took the camera down and pulled out his phone instead, moving beside you. You noticed his wallpaper is still that same picture of you from years ago. He opened his camera before lifting his arms up for a selfie, with the cherry blossoms in the background.

“Smile!” he said, putting his arms on around your shoulder. You indulged him and gave your biggest, widest smile to the camera. He took a few shots before giving you a peck on your cheeks, making your heart flutter. Like he always does.

He started walking, grabbing your hand and putting it on his coat’s pocket. “I’m getting hungry, babe.”

“What do you want to— Hachikooo~” Your thoughts were disrupted when you saw an Akita dog approaching you, dragging its elderly owner on a leash. You swooned as it passed by you, wanting so badly to run your hands through his fur.

“That dog always makes you cry though. I don’t like it.”

“You cried watching that movie too!” you retorted, glaring at him.

He just laughed and diverted the topic. “How about some ramen?”

“How about some cup noodles at Lawson?” you suggested, seeing a convenience store nearby.

“Again? That’s what you ate—” he suddenly stopped and scratched his head. “Sure.”

You eyed him suspiciously but he let go of your hand and walked towards the store instead.

***

“Where are you staying?” you asked as you strolled around after having dinner.

“Are you cold?” he asked instead, avoiding your question, catching your hand again and putting it inside his pockets as you walked.

“I’m fine.” But you felt yourself shiver as a cold breeze blew, armed only with two layers of clothing and his warm hand.

“I told you it’s gonna be cold. You just never listen to me.” He pulled you closer and tried to wrap you inside his coat. “I can’t take this off. I’m gonna die of hypothermia.”

You laughed as you snuggled inside his coat, making it harder for both of you to walk.

“Let’s not walk this time. Let’s take the train,” he said.

“How did you know I walked coming here?” Your forehead furrowed in sudden realization. “Have you been following me since last night?”

“I don’t know. Have I?” His guilty smile is giving away his supposed innocence.

“Jae.” You stopped walking to face him.

He sighed as he cupped your face, squishing your cheeks with his warm hands. “I tried not to. But you’re just too much.”


	9. Cold

“You should just have told me earlier and stayed here instead,” you said upon opening the door of your hotel room. “You booked this one anyway.”

He pushed open the door and went in with his small duffel bag. He has already checked out of his room and decided to move in with you for the rest of your trip.

“You needed rest yesterday. And you’d need to have a clear mind to let me in.” He shrugged and put his bag down on the floor beside your luggage.

“You think I have a clear mind right now?” you scoffed.

He paused and looked at you quizzically. “Don’t you?”

You looked away and focused on the TV instead, switching channels aimlessly. “It must be the cold.”

“Or the flowers.”

“To which you’re allergic. Have you taken your meds?”

“Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” He laughed before lying down beside you on the bed, cozying up under the blankets. He took your hand under the sheets and just held it, running his thumb over your palm in a relaxing manner.

“We have to go now. Get up,” you told him, but neither of you were moving. It was already lunch time and you were starting to get hungry. You’re supposed to do some more sightseeing at temples and shrines. But the weather is just too perfect for staying indoors.

“But it’s so cold.” He whined, diving deeper into the blankets, almost cuddling you beneath the sheets. “See that, it’s actually snowing outside.” He said when he saw the news on TV.

“That’s why we have to go. It’s gorgeous!” you gushed.

Snow spring or _yukizakura._ Apparently, it was a very rare occurrence to have snow in spring. Which makes it colder... prettier… even more special. You got up, now determined to make the most out of this trip. With him.

“Woah. Look at those scarily big snowflakes!” Jae gasped exaggeratedly.

“Stop finding a way out of this. We didn’t come here to stay in bed.”

“Don’t tell me this pillow fort doesn’t entice you?” You noticed he has already assembled your pillows on the bed. “Comfy!” his eyebrow squirmed suggestively, as he rolled playfully on the bed.

You picked a pillow up and hit his chest with it. “Babe!”

He froze upon hearing you call him and for a few seconds, just lied there staring at you until you got uncomfortable, a small tender smile forming on his lips. Like he's proud of you for something. You turned your back on him and put on your trench coat.

“I missed that,” he said before he got up. “Let’s go freeze to death!”

***

“It’s the first time in 32 years that this happened.” The front office executive at the lobby mentioned as he handed you an umbrella you borrowed.

“That’s amazing!”

“Be careful outside.”

“Yes, thank you.” You turned to find Jae who has slumped on the couch in the lounge near the door. He instantly straightened his body upon seeing you and stood up to get the umbrella from your hand.

“Here we go.” He said nonchalantly as the he opened the door.

You instantly regretted going out the moment you stepped outside the hotel. It was freezing as the temperature has dropped to the negatives. “Oh my god.”

Jae smirked when he saw you shiver, “Come here.” He opened the umbrella and pulled you closer with his other hand. “This is a suicide mission.”

You could barely get a word out as you tried to endure the cold. Jae kept on rubbing his hands on your arms to warm you up even just a little as you walked briskly to the train station.

“You good?” he asked as soon as you reached the station where there was a heater.

You nodded, gritting your teeth as you waited for the train to arrive. You can't show him weakness or else he'll drag you home.

Jae laughed at your current state, popping a few pieces of mint into his mouth and chewing slowly. “Are we really gonna do this?”

Again, you nodded wordlessly. This time, he moved closer to you and held your cheeks with both hands, softly breathing into your face.

In an instant, you felt your face warm up. You felt the heat rise up your cheeks so you tried to pull away in embarrassment, but he didn’t let you. Not until he has dropped a quick peck on your lips. Making you blush even more.

***

“This is beautiful!” you gasped as soon as you reached the Asakusa shrine. There were only a few people who crazily braved the weather like you. It was very chilly but Jae kept on shaking the warmers on his pocket where your hands were.

“Take the pics, and then we go.” He stuttered.

You wanted to laugh but it came out in a shivery breath.

“I’m pretty sure I’ll be sick tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” You winked at him as you posed for a picture with the temple and the snow coated blossoms in the background.

He shakily took out his camera and took shots of you. “Pretty sure you’ll be the death of me.”

True enough, he got sick the next day. He wouldn’t let go of you when you tried to get out of the bed. So you just ordered room service, made him take his meds, and stayed in bed all day.

“I’m sorry I ruined your plans for today.” He sleepily murmured, eyes half open.

“I knew I was pushing it yesterday. But thank you for indulging me.”

He didn’t reply but moved closer to you, wrapping his arms around your tummy, his breathing suddenly getting deeper as he slowly drifts off to sleep.

“Are you feeling better?” you asked, feeling his forehead. You sighed in relief as you felt his temperature go down. He’s still warm but no longer burning.

You felt him nod against your chest. “I love you.” He murmured, eyes closed now.

You froze, your heart pounding on your chest. You weren’t sure if he was actually sleeping or just faking it to avoid seeing your reaction. You stared at him in silence, running your fingers through his hair as you felt your heart aching in an all-too familiar rhythm again.

_Is this enough to forget all the things that didn’t work?_

In a blink of an eye, you seemed to have forgotten all the reasons why you broke up with him.

_Everything is rose-colored in a city where the weather is cold._


	10. McDonald's

“Bri says he has to leave Japan tonight and can’t meet us anymore,” you said upon reading Brian’s text message.

“Oh.” He said nonchalantly as he took a bite of his burger.

You were currently in McDonald’s to have dinner. You were initially against the idea of eating in fast food chains when travelling, but it was his favorite. And he needs to ‘get his appetite back’. _As if it was gone yesterday._

“It’s a good thing we’ve already met up the first night then.” You thought, remembering that night at the coffee shop.

You tried to catch Jae’s eyes but he seemed hellbent on ignoring you, focusing on his fries and burger instead. It was obvious that you both were avoiding something inevitable. Your trip was almost over. You were supposed to just do some last minute shopping today since you have an early flight tomorrow, but you just ended up spending the day in your hotel room again. Until you both got tired of the hotel food and decided to go out one last time.

“You saw me with him that night, didn’t you?” you asked after hesitating for a long while. This has been bugging you since you found out he’s been here since your first night but you never brought it up, waiting for him to do it first, but it seemed like he never intends to.

You noticed how he tensed up with your question as he met your eyes. “Yeah. I saw how he dragged you to safety when you almost got hit by that bike. I was so scared.” He glared at you before he turned away, back to his food, but you caught a glimpse at how his eyes softened, “Good thing he was there when I couldn’t run to you anymore.”

“Why did you not follow us to the coffee shop then?”

“I already lost you. You slipped right in front of my eyes and I couldn’t find you. I tried to call him but…” he paused, as if reminded by something he’d rather not, “yeah. I decided to just wait for you at the lobby. I knew you’d always be safe in his hands anyway.”

You fell silent, somehow getting enraged with his answers. “Why are you always like that?” you asked, gritting your teeth.

Surprised by the your sudden mood swing, Jae put his food aside to give you his full attention. “What?”

You shook your head, frustrated, “That! You’re always conceding—to me.. to Brian.. to everything.” You closed your eyes and heaved a deep sigh to calm yourself down. “You’re somehow always ready to give me up.”

Jae sighed as he leaned back on his seat, gulping down his soda. You could literally see the wheels on his head turning frantically, trying to find the right words to say to appease you.

He hesitantly tried to reach for your arm but you pulled back. He exhaled, visibly tired. “What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing. You don’t have to do anything for me anymore. I just want to know why..”

Pain flickered in his eyes as he stared back at you. “Will you come back to me if I fight for you? Will you come back if I beg you enough?”

You felt your tears welling up so you desperately tried to blink it away. No one cries at McDonald’s. You didn’t reply, afraid your voice would betray you.

“You know why I followed you here..”

“It’s… It’s not that easy, Jae.”

“But you’re the only one making this complicated right now. I wasn’t conceding to Brian again. I knew immediately what was up the moment he didn’t answer my call. So I talked to him after he dropped you off and told him I have every intention of getting you back.”

You blinked, breath hitching in surprise. “Is that why—”

“You don’t want me giving you up? This is me fighting for you now. For us. I tried to give you space. I tried to give you time. I get tired, too, Y/N. But I’m still holding on. That’s why I’m here. I thought we’re already on the same page when you let me in.” This time, it was him who sounded agitated, his frustrations now surfacing. Gone was the calm Jae you’ve always known.

You fell silent as he stared at you, guilt eating you up. “It was just for this trip… The past days have been perfect cos we lived inside a perfect bubble. When it’s time to burst that, our realities will just end up hurting us again.”

“I can’t give my job up, Y/N.” He said after a while.

“I know." You smiled bitterly. “And I’m not asking you to.”

“It’s not working anymore, Jae.” You added when he didn’t say a word. Your voice quivered, eyes stinging with unshed tears.

His lips pursed as it finally dawned on him how you were slowly reaching an impasse. A dead end. At the most unlikely place. It felt like breaking up again. And you don’t know why, but this right here hurts worse.

Jae heaved a deep sigh before glancing at his wristwatch. “We still have a few hours, right?” he beamed at you fakely.

You stared at him, confused, as he stood up and dragged you out to the streets. You just absentmindedly stared at his back as he led you by the hand towards Shibuya crossing again.

But you noticed how his steps slowly faltered as you crossed the streets, until he completely stopped in the middle. Like he somehow changed his mind. Or he somehow made a decision right there and then.

“Jae..” you called nervously.

Your heart ached a little bit more when you saw how his shoulders dropped as he let go of your hand, still not facing you.

“Go.” You heard him say before he started walking slowly to a different direction.

“Jae!” This time, you couldn’t stop your tears from falling as you watched his back slowly walking away from you. You wanted to run after him but the crowd has already started rushing uncaringly as the traffic lights started counting down the last few seconds for pedestrians. You had no choice but to move along.

Your eyes immediately searched for him as soon as you reached the other side, but he was nowhere to be found.

_You slipped right in front of my eyes and I couldn’t find you._ His words resonated in your mind, as you let out a sob, angrily wiping the tears that escaped you. You closed your eyes, trying to compose yourself as you slowly made your way back to your hotel. You have to leave early tomorrow to catch your flight but his flight is not until the afternoon.

_He’ll come back before I leave, right?_ You thought to yourself as you opened the door to an empty room. You dropped yourself on the bed and buried your face on the pillow, refusing to cry.

But come morning, there was still no trace of him. You smiled bitterly to yourself. _Great. I came here in pieces, and now I’ll leave with even more._


	11. Friends

It’s been six months since you returned from Japan. Six months since you last heard from Jae. He didn’t even say goodbye. But Brian did call to check up on you before you boarded the plane. He didn’t say, but you had a hunch Jae asked him to do that.

For the past six months, you buried yourself with work – your default defense mechanism.. a way to numb yourself from pain. Because this time, everything felt real. He never tried contacting you again, and you never did too. Perhaps, this time he has finally decided to quit you.

You took a quick break from the report you were working on when your phone’s alarm went off. You always set a timer for yourself when you have to pull an all-nighter so you would be forced to get up every hour. You stood up and grabbed a can of beer from the fridge before picking up your phone to procrastinate for a few minutes.

Just then, you got notified of an email from your company. You quickly checked thinking it was urgent (as it was sent at 12 midnight) just to feel disdain when you saw that automated ‘happy birthday’ banner drafted by your HR.

_Right. It’s officially that time of the year again._

You never cared about birthdays. Not until Jae started celebrating it with you... for you. For years, he always waited until midnight to be the one to greet you first. _But not anymore._ You smiled bitterly to yourself.

You sighed, scrolling on your phone to distract yourself instead. You froze when you saw a new post from Jae on Instagram. It was a picture of you enjoying the cherry blossoms that fateful night in Japan. You’ve never seen this picture before but you remember him taking those stolen shots. You never got to see those, though.

With a heavy heart, you scrolled down a bit to read the caption. Just to wish you didn’t.

**Happy birthday.**

You pressed your hand on your chest, right where your heart is, when you felt a familiar ache you thought you already got over with. Funny how things could be so different yet still be the same after all these time.

He didn’t tag you, didn’t mention you. Just those two words. _What am I supposed to do with that, Jae?_

Without letting yourself think too much, you tapped _like_ on the post. You never unfollowed each other on social media so he knows you were bound to see it. You clicked on his profile to send him a direct message.

**Thank you.**

You waited anxiously for him to respond. The dots kept on blinking for quite a while before he finally decided to send his reply.

:)

That’s it. A simple smiley. This was what you have been reduced to.

_What do you expect, huh?_

***

“You cut your hair!” Haru exclaimed as soon as she saw you enter the café.

You rolled your eyes, unconsciously touching your hair. “It’s been a while since I cut it. It’s longer now.”

“Well, you’ve been hiding from us. Are you going home this long weekend?” Haru asked. She and Wonpil were the only ones available for dinner that day. You didn’t really feel like celebrating anything but Haru insisted, even going down the guilt tripping road again.

“Everyone’s going home. Dowoon’s coming with us, and Sungjin’s already there,” Wonpil said.

“How about Maya?” you asked.

“She hasn’t confirmed yet but I think she’s gonna come with us too. We’re booking tickets tomorrow. I can buy you one if you want?” Haru offered.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Come on, Y/N. It’s just a few days. Take a break.”

You eyed Haru suspiciously. She’s never been an advocate for going home on long weekends. She’d rather go on beaches or mountains or wherever not home. Wonpil laughed when he noticed your doubt.

“We were just thinking.. maybe we can have a small get together. It’s been a long time since we’ve been complete.”

_Complete._ You turned to Wonpil with a question.

“He’s coming home, too.” He smirked, ignoring Haru’s nudge on his side. “No point hiding it from her, Haru.”

“You’re on good terms, right? I saw his post last night.” Haru said guiltily.

You blinked, swallowing a lump on your throat. “Y-yeah.”

“So, is that a yes?”

“I’ll think about it. I’ll let you know tomorrow morning.”

“I really thought you two got back together in Japan. Those pictures – ” Wonpil said, but Haru nudged him again, stopping his mouth.

You just smiled and shook your head. Haru seemed to have caught on and reached out to hold your hand assuringly.

“I have to go to the restroom,” Wonpil excused himself, clearly to give you two a bit of alone time.

“You don’t have to force yourself. We really just wanted to be complete again, but you don’t have to. We understand.”

“No, don’t worry about it. We’re good,” you lied.

Haru eyed you suspiciously, “Have you talked to him lately?”

You shook your head again. “Not really. But we’ll be okay,” you smiled, “It’s been months, Haru.”

“If you say so.. So I’ll get you tickets?” she raised an eyebrow suggestively.

You sighed, giving in. “Fine.”

***

You woke up at five in the afternoon. You fell asleep as soon as you reached your house this morning. That 12-hour bus ride really drained the hell out of you. You stared blankly at the ceiling of your old bedroom, suddenly feeling nostalgic. It’s been a while since you’ve been home.

You reached for your phone from under your pillow and found a text message from Maya.

**7PM tonight. Dowoon’s.**

You heaved a deep sigh, mentally preparing to see him again. You roamed your eyes around your room, catching sight of that Jje plushie he gave you years ago. You smiled bitterly as you reached for it and held it against your face.

“Miss me?”

As if on cue, your phone suddenly lit up with a text message. You quickly glanced at it and saw Jae’s name.

**Sunset?**

Your fingers hover over your phone screen, heart thumping on your chest, hesitating. _Should I?_ But before you could even reply, another text message came in.

**We’re still friends, right?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this should be the last time I'm bringing up birthdays. haha.


	12. Here

You found Jae waiting for you at that same spot in the park near your house where you used to hang out when you were younger. It was just a few more minutes before the sun sets, the time when the sky is in its perfect golden state.

You quietly approached him, careful not to make a sound. But, as usual, you can never really surprise him, not that you were intending to. You sat beside him, keeping that safe distance between you.

“Hey.” He said, keeping his eyes on the skies.

You unconsciously stared at his side profile. There was the tiniest hint of a stubble on his chin, his hair a bit longer that it kind of shaded his eyes (but not that cute little birthmark just beside it). He kind of gained weight, you noticed. His cheeks seemed fuller, a bit of his double chin peaks when he looks down. _Cute._

“Long time no see..” he remarked, pulling you out of your reverie when he suddenly turned to you, meeting your eyes. “How have you been?”

You felt the heat rush to your cheeks as your heart skipped a beat. Still. You smiled, avoiding his eyes. “Fine.” _I missed you._

Silence. You felt awkward and nervous just sitting here beside him now. You used to feel comfortable in those silences with him, but now..

“H-how are you?” you forced yourself to ask.

“Good. I gained weight.” He smiled, flexing his nonexistent biceps proudly. How could he be acting so fine now?

“Where?”

This time, he gave you a hearty laugh—the one you couldn’t help but laugh with. “Remember when we went on the that Toy Story ride in Disneyland? You held on these mighty strong biceps. These kept you safe.”

You scoffed, “Yeah, while you screamed louder than everyone on that ride.”

“Babe, if you don’t scream on that ride, you’re not human.”

You laughed at his defense, barely noticing his term of endearment. “And you kept on singing the whole time on that ‘It’s A Small World’ ride.”

“Wha—Who doesn’t sing along to ‘It’s A Small World’?!” His eyes widening in mock frustration.

“Me?”

“That’s because you hated that ride.”

“That’s a kid’s ride. You’re not a kid,” you teased.

“Admit it. You love going on those extreme rides just to spite me. You enjoy watching me scream.”

“Just to spite you?!” You laughed but he squinted his eyes at you, “Fine. Maybe just a little.”

“SEE! I knew it! Man, I used to hate those rides so much!” he exclaimed, almost jumping on his seat before calming down as he stared at the skies again. You did the same, sighing.

_Used to._ “But you took it anyway.”

“Of course.” He turned silent again as both basked in the sunset glow. “Nothing really beats the sunset here, right?”

You turned to him with a question, “Really? After all the sunsets we’ve seen? I think there are better sunsets than this one. That one in Disneyland was amazing. Or the one on the beach? Or the one in Japan, where we watched the cherry blossoms…”

“We’ve got a lot of sunset anecdotes, huh?” He smiled, leaning back on the bench. “But yeah. Still here.”

You didn’t answer, suddenly remembering that one conversation you had before. It felt like your heart was bursting with all your memories resurfacing now.

_“Sunsets would always remind me of you now,” he said as he wrapped his arms around you._

_“We have sunsets every day. You always think of me every day then?” you teased._

_You felt him hug you tighter as you felt the waves softly touch your feet buried in the sand. “When did I never?” he murmured against your ear._

_“Which one is your favorite?”_

_“My favorite what?”_

_”Sunset scene..”_

_You felt him smile as he kissed the side of your forehead. “This one. Right here.”_

Still here.

“Don’t you remember?” He asked quietly after a while.

“Huh?”

“How hard I loved you?”

Your breath hitched at his words. _Loved._ You felt him turn to you, waiting for you to meet his eyes. Your heart felt like it’s gotten out of your chest by the way you could loudly hear it thumping now.

“Would you remind me if I don’t?” you asked bravely, thankful your voice didn’t quiver.

Jae pursed his lips to stop himself from smiling, but his eyes were looking at you with a challenge. He raised an eyebrow at you. “Why? Do you want me back?”

You blinked, taken aback by his question. You opened your mouth to answer but no words came out. The tension got cleared when Jae suddenly laughed.

“I’m kidding. Let’s go? They’re waiting for us.” He stood up and started walking away.

You got up, confused, and followed him.

“I’m glad we’ve cleared the air between us now.” You heard him say as he slowed down to wait for you to catch up.

_What air?!_


	13. Reset

“You’re finally here!” Maya exclaimed upon seeing you enter Dowoon’s living room. She dragged you inside, barely giving Jae a glance.

“What took you so long?” Dowoon asked as Jae sat beside him on the couch. Everyone’s already settled in the couches, a bunch of food and drinks on the table, the TV was just on some random channel for background noise.

“Rekindling some old flame, maybe?” Wonpil smirked, throwing you a meaningful look, to which you just raised an eyebrow at. Jae, though, laughed at him as if there was some kind of inside joke you don’t get.

“Give them a break, guys.” Maya rolled her eyes, sensing your little awkwardness.

“Ooooh, a break!” Dowoon mocked before standing up to get something from the kitchen before Maya could even throw him that bag of chips.

“Maya, don’t worry about it,” you said, opening a can of beer Haru handed you.

“Yeah, we’re not kids anymore,” Haru said.

“But you’re acting like one, Dowoon!” Maya shouted, annoyed.

“Jae! Is Maya your ex?” Dowoon shouted from the kitchen. Wonpil and Haru were snickering on the sides as Jae chuckled softly as he drank his beer.

“Oof! The X word.” Wonpil whispered to Haru.

You just shook your head, scratching your forehead smiling. You held Maya’s arm when you sensed she was about to go to the kitchen to attack Dowoon. “Calm down.” You laughed.

“Can we just be civilized for a moment and have dinner peacefully?” Haru whined, looking at everyone.

“I am civilized,” Wonpil said proudly, but she just smacked his legs.

Dowoon got back to the living room and sat next to you to hide himself from Maya’s glare.

“You two are making them uncomfortable.” Haru pointed at the two.

“It’s fine, Haru,” you dismissed her. This was actually better than them acting awkwardly around you.

“Yeah. We’re good now, guys. No worries.” Jae said, catching your eyes. You were seated at the opposite sides of the living room, the farthest distance possible.

“You are?” Maya turned to you incredulously. Everyone’s eyes were on you, actually.

“Back together?!” Dowoon nudged your shoulder when you didn’t reply.

“No! We’ve.. ‘cleared the air’, I guess?” you said, uncertain as to what that even means. You looked at Jae to ask for help but he just pursed his lips, amused.

“What does that mean?” Haru asked, looking at you like you just said something ridiculous.

_Bish, I don’t even know._

“We were good friends before everything, so we‘re just going back to the basics.” Jae said, avoiding your eyes now. He reached for his beer again and gulped it down.

_Oh._ So that’s what he meant. What were you expecting anyway? You were quiet on the whole walk to Dowoon’s house earlier, afraid to ask questions. He never said another word, too, so you were just left wondering what he was thinking all the time. What used to be an open book to you became some kind of puzzle you couldn’t decode.

“You are?” Maya asked again, her forehead creases becoming even deeper. You smiled and tapped her hand instead. She could always sense when something’s wrong.

“Well, Jae might just have set his eyes on someone new.” Wonpil suddenly said.

“What?!” Haru and Maya exclaimed.

Your gaze quickly averted to Jae who, at first, seemed surprised. He sneakily kicked Wonpil’s leg beside him, shaking his head to everyone before looking at you. “I don’t know what he’s talking about.”

“Nothing wrong with that, bro. Just admit it,” he said, sniggering on the side.

“Who?” Dowoon asked cluelessly.

“He was with someone when I picked him up at the airport.”

_That’s why he seemed fine now._ You thought, suddenly feeling anxious. You felt Maya take your hand and held it assuringly. Haru was also looking at you as if something’s wrong on your face. Maybe your smile was too fake?

“Stop it, Pil. I told you, she’s just my officemate.”

“Woah. I’m also crushing on my officemate these days,” Dowoon said, making everyone laugh.

“What ‘also’?” Maya scowled at him.

“Let’s eat now before anyone gets drunk.” You said, standing up and marching down the kitchen. You turned on the faucet to wash your hands on the kitchen sink.

“No, really.” You suddenly heard Jae say against your ear. You didn’t notice him following you. He stood beside you and extended his hands under the faucet too.

You clutched your chest with your wet hand for what felt like a heart attack. You annoyingly sprinkled water from your wet hands to his face. Having him this close again is still sending you tiny flutters. “I don’t really care, Jae. You don’t have to consider me,” you whispered under your breath.

He paused and looked at you. You turned off the faucet and dried your hand on a kitchen towel on the fridge. The guys started laughing again in the living room over something Dowoon said.

“Why not?” he asked, leaning on the sink as he watches you.

You just glanced at him before walking out of the kitchen, back to where your friends were. “We’re friends.”

You heard him chuckle from behind you. “Right.”

He came to the living room as well but this time, he sat right next to you, pushing Dowoon to the edge of the couch, much to his protest.

“What are you doing?” you asked, glaring at him. Everyone’s eyes have curiously turned to you two again. Thanks to Jae’s behavior.

He just looked at you innocently as he reached for two burgers from the table and handed you one. “Which one do you want, babe?”

You scoffed and looked at him unbelievingly as he forcibly put one on your hand.

“We’ve always been like this. Even before…” he said matter-of-factly. He took a bite on his burger, unbothered.

“What game are you playing?” you whispered. This sudden turn in his behavior is confusing the hell out of you.

He munched slowly on his food, wiggling his eyebrow at you playfully. “A reset,” he said, grinning. “I’ll let you guys meet her tomorrow,” he suddenly declared to everyone.


	14. Her

“I thought there was no one?” you whispered with gritted teeth. As the night got deeper, you somehow ended up in the balcony alone with Jae. It’s been a long time since you drank to the point that you get messed up, but having him now is kind of taking its toll on you.

Jae leaned back on the railings, facing you on the opposite end. “I thought I shouldn’t consider you anymore?”

“Is that why you easily left me in Japan?”

“You were the one who left me there, in case you forgot,” he smirked.

“Oh, please.” You rolled your eyes at him in annoyance, opening a new can of beer and chugging it down.

“But isn’t that what you wanted? I just gave you what you asked me for,” he clenched his jaw, all his playfulness was now gone. He stared at you with mad eyes.

“We were supposed to have a few more hours,” you said. You felt so selfishly unreasonable but you were tipsy so.. isn’t that a free pass?

Jae let out an exasperated breath. “Would those few hours change anything back then? You were pretty much decided to leave me.”

“But you were not supposed to leave me..” you said stubbornly, clearly not thinking straight anymore.

“Sometimes you can be so confusing.” He glared at you for a bit before his eyes turned soft. Or maybe it’s just your eyes playing you. Or maybe it was the alcohol making you see things you wanted to. But he looked at you like he was still the same Jae who loved you.

You sighed, letting the hard truth beat you up. _He’s moved on._ “I’m sorry.”

“But didn’t you hate me for always forgiving you?” It was dark but you could make out his sad smile.

Your breath hitched, hearing your own words being thrown back at you. You regret it all now. But isn’t it too late?

“Reset?” you desperately said, finishing your beer.

He chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head unbelievingly.

“I’d be staying here for good now,” he said after a while.

You couldn’t tell if he was being serious or just playing with you for the nth time today. So you chose to ignore what he just said. You kept quiet but your mind was in turmoil. _Why?_

“You don’t care?” he asked.

“Should I?” you paused and blinked. “Can I?”

He carefully looked at you as if trying to figure out what you were thinking. In the end, he just shrugged and took a swig of his beer. All sorts of questions were running through your head as you watched the night sky.

“For her?” you asked ever so softly, afraid to ask and afraid to know the answer.

He paused and gave you a noncommittal sound, taking his eyes off you.

“For her.” This time, it wasn’t a question. You felt your heart ache but you tried to suppress it with a small smile that may have looked like a grimace.

“You look like a clown,” he scoffed when he saw your face. He suddenly walked towards you and leaned on the railings beside you. You were facing the opposite directions but you can see his face from your peripheral vision. He was just staring blankly at the night sky. Why does this feel like a déjà vu?

You heaved a deep breath before forcing you to ask the things you shouldn’t be curious about. “What’s her name?”

He just pursed his lips and didn’t reply.

“Where did you meet her?” you tried again.

“Somewhere.”

“How did you two meet?”

“I saw her,” he shrugged. “I just opened my eyes one day and there she was.”

“So, you came home with her?”

“Where did you even get that idea?”

“Wonpil said you were with—”

“Wonpil sees all sorts of things,” he chuckled softly.

“But you were gonna introduce her—”

“Yeah..”

You sighed and squinted your eyes at him, slowly getting annoyed at the way he throws his answers at you. But he just laughed it off. You got quiet again, with all the things running through your head, you just wanted to let it all out.

“I don’t know if I want to meet her though,” you said honestly. “I know I’m being selfish… but… please… not yet…”

He turned to you and tilted his head a bit, the way he always does when he wants to reprimand you on something you did. You gulped and looked away. All your have-beens.. How could he be having that with somebody else now?

“Was she how you moved on?” Your fingers fidgeted with the crown of the can of beer you were holding. It’s empty now. _I need more._

Jae was quiet the whole time, as if waiting for you to say more. And you just might, in your drunken state. But you’re not drunk enough so you chose to battle him with a stare-off, filling the air with just the sound of your breathing.

“You think I have?” he finally replied, gazing at you tenderly.

Your forehead creased as you tried to ignore the way your heart started thumping for a false hope.

“Haven’t you?”

“Barely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being MIA 😅 been kind of busy 😞  
> i think i’d just have to finish this one off quickly so as not to keep you waiting 🙃


	15. Barely

You stared at the ceiling as your alarm started ringing incessantly. Your head hurt not because you were hung over but because you barely slept – kept awake by Jae’s last word before walking away and leaving you there on the balcony. You didn’t know what to make of that conversation. You were just left confused more than ever instead of clearing things out. Was he testing for you something? Or were you just trying to see things you wanted to see?

**Rise and shine, sleepyhead.**

Your forehead creased when you read Jae’s text message. Why is he texting like you ended last night in good terms?

**Late lunch before leaving?**

You raised an eyebrow as if he could see you. But before you could even type a reply, another message came in.

**Everyone’s coming.**

_Right._ He’s supposed to be introducing _her_ today. And you remembered clearly telling him last night that you couldn’t meet her yet. You smiled bitterly to yourself as you chose to ignore his texts and switch apps. You searched for the earliest flight back to the city and booked it, never minding the costs. You just wanted out.

***

You arrived home just around three in the afternoon. You kept your phone on airplane mode though, knowing full-on how you’d be bombarded by their calls and messages. You only texted Haru before boarding your flight and kept your phone immediately after. You sighed as you lied down on your bed, dropping you things carelessly on the floor. You closed your eyes as you willed yourself to sleep and not think about him now.

_Let’s finally move on._

That was your last thought before you blacked out in stress and exhaustion. You didn’t know for how long you were asleep but you woke up when you heard the sound of scurrying in your kitchen. The thought of an imminent danger outside your bedroom door snatched whatever sleep you have left in your body.

You warily stood up and walked towards your door, trying to grasp your head around the situation. But before you could even reach, the door suddenly opened, revealing Jae in a neatly tucked white buttoned up long sleeves, a tray of food on his hands.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” You nearly screamed as you clutched your chest in surprise. His face mirrored your shock but he immediately recovered and laughed it off.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He put the tray on your bedside table before seating on your bed. “Have you eaten?”

You remained standing near the door, your brain can’t seem to process him. He impatiently tapped the space beside him, telling you to sit.

“What are you doing here?” you croaked.

“You ran away.”

“No, I didn’t,” you said defensively. “And how did you even get in?!”

“You didn’t change your passcode.” He shrugged, as if what there was nothing wrong with what’s happening. “And I still have the spare key. Come on, eat first. I have this feeling you haven’t eaten in your desperate attempt of escaping me.”

Right. You haven’t eaten yet, and the omelet he made just have to look and smell delicious. You grumpily marched towards the bed and sat a bit far from him. He chuckled as he reached for the plate and handed it to you.

You took a bite and sighed in content-- your first meal on a stressful day just had to be made by the person who stressed you out. You finished everything silently with him just watching you. He didn’t seem to be in any rush anyway.

“Why are you here?” you asked, putting the plate back to the table, calmer now.

“You’re here.” He simply said.

“Jae.”

“You were running away from me again. How could I not chase after you this time?” He smiled, tucking a few loose strands of your hair back to your ears. You felt your breath hitch with that short contact, but you tried to keep your composure.

“You ruined everything.” He chuckled in fake disappointment. “I had the perfect plan to get you back.”

You looked at him quizzically. “I’m not quite understanding any word from you since yesterday.”

“Of course you won’t, dimwit." He ticked your forehead softly. "You could be slow sometimes.” 

“Aw!” It didn’t really hurt but your reflexes said it did and you have to hit him back. So you did.

Jae caught your hand, smirking. You tried to pull away but he didn’t let you. Instead, he held your hand and played with your fingers while staring at it. “We’re both sober now, so we can finally talk.”

"I wasn't drunk last night." You said quietly as you just stare at your hands too, waiting for him to talk.

“You’ve always been her.” His voice now barely above a whisper. "It's always been you."

“Huh?” You asked absentmindedly, his words barely registering.

He heaved a deep breath before he patiently continued. “There’s no one else… I don’t know how there ever could be anyone else.”

He lifted his eyes up and tried to catch yours but you were adamant at avoiding any more kind of contact. You just might end up crying with all your pent up emotions. A part of you refuses to believe him but your heart has already started fluttering excitedly again.

“I could barely remember anything from that night, other than the way I felt. I could never lose you like that. But what could I do?” He tried to smile but pain crossed his eyes as memories seemed to have resurfaced. “I tried.. But you’re just too much.”

_‘But you’re just too much.’_ You remembered the time he said those words to you in Japan and it still gives you that same ache.

“I—”

“I couldn’t so I finally decided that I wouldn’t. I did what I could—wrapped things up, tied loose ends, before I could go back to you-- giving you the space that you wanted, but hoping I don’t get lost somewhere in your process.” He paused, maybe seeing how ridiculous you looked like. You were smiling and trying not to cry at the same time. “Wonpil kept an eye on you for me. You might have noticed those two trying to meddle all the time,” he added, letting out a short laugh, while shaking his head.

“Even Haru was in on this?”

“It was their idea to change my strategy,” he chuckled. “If I had it my way, I would have just groveled my way back to you and beg you to take me back.”

You laughed amidst your tears, shaking your head. “You didn’t have to.”

“It worked though? Didn’t it?” He reached out to wipe your tears, still chuckling. “We got you jealous.”

“I hate you,” you sniffed.

“We had this grand plan at the park for lunch, but you just had to run away and ruin everything.”

“What is it?” you asked curiously.

“Nah. You don’t have to know now,” he sniggered when you tried to pull your hand away. “We’d be using that some other time so you just be on your toes.”

You just glared at him, still sniffing. “Are you really staying for good now?”

“Yeah. My boss finally allowed me to come back here. But I still don’t have a place to stay...” he looked at you suggestively and you just stared back at him cluelessly. He kept quiet for a while until it finally dawned on you what he meant.

You stood up and headed out the door to the living room, hearing Jae laughing from your room. You scoffed unbelievingly when you saw his luggage and backpack on the floor. You marched back and raised an eyebrow at him who was now lying on bed, holding a picture frame above his head. It was your picture in Disneyland. It never left your bedside.

“You were pretty confident, huh?” you leaned on the door railing, watching him.

“I have good advisors,” he chuckled, putting the frame back on the table. “I’m sleepy.” He inched to the side of the bed, giving you space beside him.

“I just woke up.” You sat down on the bed and stared at him. He looked cute trying to keep his eyes open.

He took your hand again and pulled you to lie down beside him. “Cuddles?” His arms went around your waist as he buried his face on your neck, sighing contentedly.

“I missed this. I missed you.”

“I’m sorry..” you said quietly, feeling an invisible lump on your throat.

“Shhh.” He tightened his arms around you, his eyes closed. “I understand.”

“I missed you. So much.”

“I know.” You could feel him smile against your skin. “I can’t believe I almost lost you.”

“You barely did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter... i think. haha.
> 
> Let's gear up for TBOU: Demon! 
> 
> JAE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THOSE TEASERS!! 😭😭😭


	16. Epilogue

“You up?”

Your eyes fluttered open for a bit as Jae whispered behind your ear. You glanced at the alarm clock on your side table.  _ 2:58AM.  Why. _

“No,” you whined as you tried to move into a more comfortable position and drift off to sleep again. You rubbed his arm which was wrapped on your stomach, lulling him to sleep as you closed your eyes. 

You felt him pull you even closer—your back against his warm chest, as if willing you to wake up and give him attention.

“Babe,” he murmured again near your ear. You felt his lips touch that space behind your ear, making you shiver even in your half-asleep state.

“Jae, it’s 3am,” you whined, eyes still closed.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Me too. If you keep talking.”

You heard him sigh anxiously as he removed his arm on you and rolled on his back. He was quiet for a while but you knew he was still awake. It was as if you could hear him thinking. You sighed and opened your eyes and rolled to face him, your worries snatching the sleep from your body. You found him staring straight into the ceiling, his hands clasped over his chest.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

He threw you a quick glance as he bit his lip nervously. The dim light from his bedside lamp softly illuminating his worried features. 

“Migraine?”

“No.” He shook his head and gave you a small smile. “Sorry for waking you up. Go back to sleep.” He turned his body to face you as he pulled you closer and kissed your forehead.

“I can’t go back to sleep now. Not until you tell me what’s wrong,” you looked up to him and tried to guilt him with your stare.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he nervously chuckled. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Let’s not sleep together then.” You playfully smirked at him. “What do you want to do at 3AM?”

He got into thinking then his eyes suddenly lit up like a kid with a Christmas gift. “Mcdonald’s?”

You stared at him in disbelief before masking your disappointment with a chuckle. You shook your head as you reached for your phone on your bedside table for online delivery.

“This is so unhealthy.” You said as you browsed through the menu of that fast food chain.

“Can I get a happy meal?”

You rolled your eyes as you showed him your screen—you’ve already placed your order. You already knew what he wanted even before he asked for it. This was not the first time he did this, but it was the first time after a long while. 

His smile widened when he saw what you got him. He pushed your phone down and reached for you to hug you again. “Thanks, babe.”

“That happy? You’re still the only one I know who wants a happy meal.”

“Happy meal makes me happy. It’s called a happy meal for a reason.” He laughed, still hugging you. 

“Whatever.” You pulled away and tapped his arm. “Get up and wait for the food outside.”

“Too early.” He whined, but he got up anyway. His hair was so ruffled from his efforts of falling asleep.

“And can you please remove your luggage from the living room? It’s already too messy in there. Bring them here. I’ll make space.” You said as you continued scrolling on your phone.

From the corner of your eyes, you saw him pause and stare at you for a while, with that little hint of a smile on his lips. You waited for him to leave but he seemed to have no intention of looking away.

“What?” You asked, putting down your phone and giving in to this attention-seeking baby.

“You’re really giving me space here?”

“Uh, weren’t you.. I thought you don’t have a place to stay?”

He smirked as he raised his eyebrow in amusement, clearly enjoying your discomfort. You looked away and mentally berated yourself for assuming he was planning on living with you. You could feel the heat rise up your cheeks in embarrassment. Good thing it was still dark in your room.

“If you say so.” He was smiling now from ear to ear as he walked out of your room, lightly skipping even.

***

“Food’s here, babe.” You heard him call out from the living room. You got up and combed your hair with your fingers and went out the room in your pajamas.

You walked in on him excitedly opening the packaging of the toy that looked like a troll or something. He grinned when he saw you and pat the space beside him on the carpet.

“You’re really that happy, huh?” You slumped down on the floor beside him. 

“I love Mcdo.”

“You sure love a lot of things, don’t you?” You mocked as you opened the wrapper of a McChicken sandwich. It only dawned on you again how he easily throws out words you find hard to say. Just like before. 

“Are you jealous?!” He laughed, taking a bite of your food.

“No?”  Ridiculous.

“I love you the most.” He snatched a kiss on your cheek, as if that would pacify you. Well, it did..

“Good thing I don’t have work tomorrow. I could have killed you for ruining my sleep schedule tonight.” You tried to change the topic. 

“You should get to used to this already.” He glanced at you as if trying to see if you caught on what he meant.

But you just continued munching on your food, not noticing his stare. “Why are you guys suddenly playing again later?”

“W-we just missed the band.” He stuttered, visibly taken aback by your question but you were too busy eating to notice.

“Do you still have the skills though?” You teased.

“Duh? Of course. I’m just worried my nerves would get the better of me—“ he suddenly coughed (obviously fake!) and sipped on his soda.

“You don’t have the ‘nerves’ though. You’re always confident on stage. You shouldn’t worry.”

“It’s different this time. My life lies on this one.” He pouted, sighing, as if giving up on something. 

You put down your food and stared straight at him this time, giving him your full attention. “Is that what’s keeping you up? Why you couldn’t sleep?”

He didn’t answer and just stared at you, as if thinking deeply about something. And you took this as a confirmation.

“Babe. You’re always overthinking things. I told you before—“ 

“Marry me.” He suddenly blurted out, cutting you off mid sentence. 

This time, it was your turn to choke on your food. You put down the fries that you were eating and slapped your chest as he handed you a glass of water, rubbing your back, chuckling softly. 

“I’m sorry for catching you off guard.” He laughed when he saw tears on your eyes. He gently wiped it away as he spoke, “This is one of my worries for tonight. What if you choke on your drink in surprise or you suddenly faint and I couldn’t get to you fast?! I told Haru I’m not comfortable with—“

You waved your hands in front of him, stopping him from talking fast. “Wait wait wait! What the hell are you talking about?!”

He looked at you quizzically as if wondering why you were too dumb to get what he meant. He shook his head and smiled to himself as he caught your hand and put it down on his lap. His other hand went inside his pocket to get something.

“I’m saying that I want to get this over with now and not later tonight,” he said patiently, staring straight into your eyes. You felt something cold slip on your finger as he bit his lip nervously. “Marry me.”

You looked down and saw a ring on your finger. You blinked as your eyes started tearing up, “In front of a McDonald’s happy meal.. really?!”

Jae laughed when your tears started to fall. “Yes?”

You angrily wiped on your tears and glared at him. “You didn’t even ask. How could I even take this off now?” You held your hand up to his face.

He smiled as he reached for you and pulled you into his embrace. “I’ll marry you,” he whispered softly against your ear.

You felt your heart flutter at the thought of finally settling down with him, after everything that happened. “Did you plan all these?”

“Of course not,” he scoffed. “We have something planned later tonight. But I get too anxious just thinking about it! Haru will kill me. Just act surprised please.”

“You really couldn’t keep secrets,” you laughed.

“Only from you, babe. Now I’m confident I won’t make a fool of myself tonight.”

“You’ve always been a fool tho,” you chuckled. He suddenly looked at you like he was offended but you knew him better than that. “But I love you anyway.”

He tried to stop himself from smiling too much as he tightened his arms on you. You felt him kiss the top of your head as you sloppily wiped your tears on his shirt. “Love you most.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miss jae 😭


	17. (Special Chapter) Happy Birthday, J!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the sort-of wedding chapter is at the end of Almost. 😅

You glanced at the time on your desktop for the nth time today. 5:27 PM. It has been more than 18 hours that he hasn’t contacted you. He hasn’t replied to your messages either. He must have been really mad. 

You sighed as you packed your things up, remembering the pettiest fight you had last night. He’s just recently bought this whole new PC game last week and has spent most of his free time holed up in front of his computer. You barely see him away from his PC at home when that was supposed to be your only time together especially after a full workweek and you couldn’t help but be annoyed—jealous, maybe.

_“Jae. Food’s getting cold.” You sternly called him to the dining table._

_“Will follow, babe.” He barely glanced at you before focusing back on his game, his fingers moving frantically over the keyboard, forehead scrunched, evidently losing the game._

_You sighed exasperatedly as you walked away from him, startled at the way he suddenly yelled and muttered a few curses under his breath. You heard a soft slam of the mouse on the desk before you felt him stand up and follow you to the kitchen._

_His arms suddenly wrapped around your waist from the back as he buried his face on your neck, letting his muffled frustrations out on your skin._

_“Arghhhh!!! That was so close!” He whined before dropping a kiss on your cheek and walking ahead of you, slumping on his usual seat on the dining table. He took a deep breath and looked back at you, his face the complete opposite of what it was a few seconds ago. “Welcome home! How was your day?” He asked, picking his utensils up and putting food on your plate. You really can’t keep up with his mood swings sometimes._

_You shook your head as you took the seat in front of him, “Fine, I guess.”_

_He nodded before helping himself out with the food you prepared. “I was so stressed at work today, too,” he pouted._

_“Figures.” You quickly glanced at him, gauging his mood, blurting out your annoyance before you could stop yourself. “It’s your turn to cook today but you’re gaming again as soon as you get home.”_

_“Is it?” He asked innocently, his surprised eyes shifted from you to the schedule on the wall entitled ‘Weekly Chores’. It was meant to be a joke at first but you both decided to stick with it when no one was initiating to do the chores in the house._

_“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, babe. I must have completely lost my mind.” He put his spoon and fork down and guiltily scratched his forehead. He nervously reached out for your hand on the table, biting his lip. “Thank you for taking over. I’ll wash the dishes instead?”_

_He gave you a hesitant smile which in some days would have won you over, but it wasn’t the first time and you’re getting tired as well.So you dodged his hand._

_“This is the second time this week, Jae. I don’t want to sound like your mom but you’re spending way too much time on your computer.”_

_Jae looked down and avoided your accusing glares. “You know it’s the only way I can destress,” he muttered, focusing too much on his food, the way he does when he feels guilty._

_“I’m just saying please put it in moderation.” You leaned back on your chair and added softly, “I barely see you.”_

_He got quiet and stared at you for so long as you pretended to be engrossed with eating._

_“Are you jealous?” He suddenly grinned. “Okay. Tonight will be babe time. I’m all yours.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively as he reached for your hand again._

_“Of course not.” You squatted his hand, annoyed. “And don’t use your tricks on me.”_

_“What tricks?!” He laughed just as his phone lit up with a notification. He was lovingly squeezing your hand as he read the message, his face lighting up like a kid on a Christmas day. “Oh, shoot. My favorite streamer just invited me to play with her!”_

_“Her?” You raised an eyebrow as you watched him stand up and put his plate on the sink, his other hand still typing on his phone._

_“I’ll do the dishes later,” he begged, rubbing your shoulder enthusiastically. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”_

_“Go.” You gave in, standing up to do the dishes as he skipped his way to his PC again. He didn’t even answer your question. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”_

_ “Loveyou! ” _

_You just rolled your eyes, just then noticing his full glass of water on the table. He forgot to drink again. You sighed as you picked it up and followed him to the bedroom._

_“You didn’t drink—“_

_Of course, fate would have it that you would suddenly trip on a wire on the floor, causing you to spill the glass right smack on his PC setup. It made a weird sound before it completely blacked out, leaving you and Jae staring at each other, wide-eyed, mouth agape._

_“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” You helplessly struggled to wipe the water off his keyboard, making it even worse. Your then heated temper immediately cooled down to a freezing level as you braced yourself for his reaction._

_Jae caught your hand and stopped you from being frantic, looking stern. “You didn’t have to do that.” He stood up and got a mop and a rug to salvage his computer, not saying another word for the rest of the night. And the morning after._

***

You walked out of your office, wondering how you could make it up to him. It’s already his birthday tomorrow and you swore you’d make a difference this time. You made a lot of preparations to make his day special, but how could you do all the things you planned out if he’s mad at you?

“Babe.”

You stopped on your tracks when you heard his voice. You looked up and saw him, leaning on his car parked in front of the lobby. He was looking so good wearing a crumpled long sleeved button-down shirt, neatly tucked in his pants. You immediately ran up to him with a fluttering heart, eyes tearing up with all the relief you felt. His arms immediately opened wide to welcome you as you just fell into his embrace.

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean that.” You murmured against his chest as he softly nuzzled your hair.

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Of course.” He pulled back and opened the car door, letting you in, before rounding off to the other side. There was still that awkward tension in the air and the silence is making it worse. He started the car and drove off home.

“Was your PC repaired?” You bravely asked. 

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He gave you a quick smile of reassurance. “I bought dinner.”

“Really? What did you buy?”

“Ramyeon,” he laughed. 

You scoffed, slowly feeling at ease, “Fancy.”

“I’m a peasant tonight.”

You laughed at his insinuations. When his birthday nears, he would always drop hints here and there but he would always wait for you to acknowledge it first. He never pushed you to remember nor celebrate his birthday but you knew that deep down, he cares. And that’s why it was a different kind of guilt you’ve been bearing for the past years. Especially last year... When you broke up with him.

He turned on the radio and a soft soothing melody played out in the background as you quietly drove home. You leaned your head against the window, calmed by the citylights, when you felt him take your hand from your lap and kiss it softly.

“Missed you today,” he murmured.

***

“Let’s play Minecraft!” You said as soon as you finished dinner. He was already washing the dishes while you were lounging lazily on the carpet in the living room. 

“Suddenly?”

“It’s been a while since we last played.”

You heard him chuckle in amusement, “It’s fine, babe. You don’t have to force yourself. And besides, I promised you babe time, didn’t I?”

“I’m serious.” You set up your laptop and opened the game as he finished his chores. He had it installed in there when he first bought the game just so you could play it together. But that only happened once. You just didn’t have the patience for games. “Besides, what else are we gonna do?”

“I don’t know. Cuddle?” He said naughtily. He raised his brows suggestively when you glared at him.

“Perv.”

“What? We’re married!” He said defensively, turning off the faucet and wiping his hands on a kitchen towel. He proceeded to sit beside you on the floor, closing your laptop. He put both his hands on your cheeks, squeezing softly before dropping a kiss on your lips.

Your heart fluttered especially when he pulled you closer but you cannot get distracted. His birthday’s only a few hours away and you still have to find  that place. Denny has already given you the coordinates but you still have to figure out how to go there. So you pulled away and insisted on playing.

“Okay, I’ll get my laptop so we can do it here.” He caved in. When he got back, he lazily set it up beside you. He almost seemed sulking. 

“Don’t you want to play tonight?”

“Nah. It’s fine.” He said before whispering, “Just not how I imagined the night to be.”

“I heard that.”

He looked at you innocently, “What?”

You just rolled your eyes before focusing back on the game. “This should be fun!”

His character was based on Cookie Monster while yours looks just like a yellow minion. You were just going around the realm trying to find the cliff that his friend told you about. Jae just kept on following you around, indulging you. He looked so bored but you noticed he would glance on the clock from time to time. You chatted excitedly about random things in the game but to that he would just reply with an emotionless grunt.

“Here!” You exclaimed, finally getting to the exact coordinates of the cliff. _Just in time._ You sat on the edge of the cliff, watching the sunset. The skies were the perfect golden shade of orange. 

“What?” He asked as he sat beside you.

“Sunset. We barely see sunsets these days.”

You felt him stare at you as you quietly watched the scene on your screen. “Do you miss it? The old us?”

“Do you?” You asked him back. 

“Not really. I have you here.”

“I remember you saying we’ve got thousands of sunsets ahead of us. But I don’t know why I feel like we’re somehow running out of them. Everyday feels.. the same?”

“It’s part of aging, babe.” He smiled softly, “Yes, everyday feels the same but I won’t really have it any other way. I’m happy being ‘the same’ with you. I hope you are too.”

You turned to him and met his eyes. “Of course.. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“And I’m glad I have this one sunset right here, with you.  _At 11:57PM_ .” He teased, biting his lip to stop himself from grinning, as he pointed back on the screen. 

You ignored his innuendo as you leaned your head on his shoulder, watching the sun go down on the screens. He was just caressing your hand, playing with your fingers as you both basked in the scene. The sun’s gone down way faster than it should and it was suddenly dark in that world.

As the clock struck 12, Jae got startled as fireworks started going off in game. You couldn’t help but laugh on the way his body suddenly got tense. Colorful streaks of light started going up in the skies as your characters just sat there on the cliff, the same way you both were on the floor.

“Is this it?” He scoffed when the sort-of fireworks show was over.

“What do you mean?” You asked, feigning innocence. You suddenly found it awkward to greet him a ‘Happy Birthday’. 

“Where‘s my birthday chicken? And my cake?”

“We’ll have it—Is that why you just bought ramyeon tonight?”

“Can’t wait for the feast. Thank you.” He chuckled before he kissed your forehead. “This is why you suddenly wanted to play, huh? Is this your way of making it up to me for last night?”

“More like last year...”

He chuckled teasingly, “What happened last year?”

You just awkwardly looked down, thankful for his efforts as always. Sensing your discomfort, he pulled you closer and hugged you tight, “I love you.”

You could hear his heartbeat way louder from this position. You looked up from his chest just to be welcomed with a soft kiss. 

“You weren’t surprised at all?” You asked in disappointment.

He hummed up as if thinking about it then grinned, “I just know you too well.”

You just pouted before burying your face on his chest again, “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.” You both fell quiet again but you could almost hear the wheels on his head turning. 

“Honestly though,” he suddenly blurted out, “I was expecting something like a pregnancy test kit or an ultrasound picture, yeknow?”

“What?!” You tried to pull away, scandalized by his words. “How could I ever—“ your voice got muffled when he just hugged you tighter, laughing, refusing to let you go.

“I’m kidding.” He laughed awkwardly. “It’s just that your mood swings these days are so out of line... I just thought... well, is that really a bad idea? I mean, that would be the perfect chaos in our little life right now, right?”

“I’m not pregnant, Jae,” you said defensively. “If it’s my mood swings, then I must have been pregnant my whole life!”

“Okay!” He soothed, rubbing your back as if calming you. “Calm down. It’s bad for the baby.”

He was obviously teasing but you couldn’t answer as your mind got busy counting off the days from your last period. Then that one morning you thought you had food poisoning.. also your limited patience on the simplest things.. _Could it be.._

“Oh my God. Did you wish for this?” You exclaimed, realizing something. You pulled away from his arms and sat on your legs, your hands unconsciously went to your tummy.

“Oh my God. Did it work?!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, J! Hope you’re having a blast! 😙

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think :)
> 
> twitter.com/__peaj


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